It was a grisly sight at the home of Matthew Perry late last night when paramedics stumbled upon the late actor’s body under the water in his hot tub. Witnesses described the series of events as ‘chaotic’, with the actor apparently dying and clearing his bowels. The fecal matter then started cycling as the jets and heat continued to work, creating a poopy bonito that dissolved into a broth that “smelled like if a turd died”.

The body had to be hosed off for several hours as the poouillon had stuck to his body, creating a fecal marinade that complicated the autopsy. Coroners first believed the actor had died of diarrhea poisoning, only changing their opinion after the butt brine had been cleared off.

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