Please just read without judging me, I’m up to conversation as long as you don’t tell “you can do it!” Or “man up bitch” I don’t need that type of dialogue, I’ve been beaten enough, even by my own family.
35 M.
My depression and loneliness had fucked me over enough last year and since I quit my abusive job (underpaid, boss screaming at job, no benefits, hated everyone, shit conditions) things aren’t getting better. The fact I can’t get a job even at a fast food sucks (some of you Americans complain about having that job, you’re LUCKY to have that)… Job apps don’t work or always ask for experience, I can’t even get an Amazon warehouse job (I’ve seen people that can’t even talk the language here well getting that job, so I guess I’m cursed). Nobody calls and no, you can’t just knock random doors of warehouses expecting to give you a job, even worse if you’re an immigrant.
My mother has enough of me living with them and I can’t blame her I’m old ass virgin dude that will never get married but seems that everything is against me and I’ll never move out. The world decided to just fuck me over again and again. The fact I can’t get a job is killing me. I don’t have money for studies and this country doesn’t offer trade jobs education for people like me I’ve never been a good student anyways, I need the money NOW. Shit, I controlled this shitty town web page and hasn’t been updated in a year. The job help is a joke for anyone like me. The only reason I’m not sleeping under a bridge is because of my mother.
Sometimes I google painless ways to die.
My father sometimes calls me saying I should go back to him in our home country, leave Europe, but for what? He lives in a shitty place, he’s unemployed too and barely eats despite being 10x more of a man that i am… That would be a death sentence for someone like me. I have no escape anywhere.
Sorry if this post bothers you in any way, but I needed this. I have zero human contact with anyone besides my family.
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You’re depressed. Depression will lie to you. It will put a negative spin on everything. I’ll bet you can see when the Depression is at work. It’ll take something nice or just neutral and make it look worthless. Opportunities become traps. Achievements seem insignificant. People appear to be enemies. When you think, “I can’t” or “this sucks” that’s the Depression. It wants you to think that, to feel that.
It’s the Depression that is actively trying to sabotage you and make you think you can’t overcome it.
There are ways to get back at it. The Depression has weaknesses. You don’t have to take it on head first. Just probe those weak spots. Starve it. Loosen its grip just a little here and there and it might slip.
Get outside. The Depression loves to have you in your mother’s house. It’s strong there. You can’t move out, yet, but you can step out. Go for a walk. A long walk. Every day that you can. No direction or goal, walk away from it for as long as you can. Keep moving. You’ll have to come back to the house but the time you’re away will strengthen you and weaken the Depression.
Be around people. The Depression is trying to isolate you, make you dependent on It. You don’t have to be particularly social. You don’t even need to talk to people. Wander around busy places during the day. Any place with more than just your mother and the Depression. It is weak among other people. You don’t have to force engagement with people. Just an occasional smile or nod if someone catches your eye. Even minor interactions are barbs in Depression’s eye.
Eat something healthy. It doesn’t have to be all organic or some fad diet. Eat simple cheap real foods. Depression loves junk food. It wants you to eat like shit because it will make you feel like shit. Crappy food helps it slow you down and make you vulnerable. Alcohol is one of its weapons. Sugar/carbs and fast food, too. You don’t have to give them up entirely. Just be aware that when you indulge you’re not feeding yourself, you’re feeding the Depression.
Start a routine. Keep it simple, whatever you can manage. Depression is trying to spin you around and keep you off balance. A routine can stabilize you and frustrate the Depression. Walk at a certain time. Brush your teeth at a certain time. Go to bed at certain time. The exact minute doesn’t matter. Any repeatable sequence of events. Wake up, brush teeth, step outside. You don’t even have to go anywhere, at first. Start simple and build when you’re ready.
None of the bigger issues are your problem. Not what kind of man you are or whether you have a job, not how old you are. Those things don’t matter to people who aren’t under the thumb of Depression.
The reality is that none of us are completely in control of our thoughts and feelings. There’s lots of different ways we are influenced internally and externally. Right now, how you feel and what you think is being manipulated by the Depression. And, the Depression wants you to feel bad about everything. You’ll only feel better when you’ve loosened it’s grip.
Thank you for writing this.
Did you write this?? As someone who feels the grip, this really speaks to me.
Yeah, I did. I’ve been there , am there to various degrees at different times. Sometimes it’s easier to tell someone else what needs to be heard than to live it.
I’d add “start working out”. Depression is helped by a weak body. Walk, yes, but maybe elevate that to running after a while. Or cycling. Or lifting. (Hell, when you go for your walk, carrying something heavy in a bag with one arm. Start with your weak arm and walk as far as you can before that arm tires out. Then switch to your strong arm and walk back home.)
Depression isn’t a mental state. It’s a physical condition that shows itself through your mental state. And it can be fought.
Sorry to hear you’re going through a hard time. Suicide isn’t the solution tho. You got a job before, you can do it again.
I got a job only because my brother put me there.
nepotism is how everyone gets it done. the image of some self made man is utter bullshit. it’s popular because it makes someone feel like their better than you. don’t feel self concious about how you got that for a second. though i’ll aknowledge the bottom of a depression cycle is a shitty place to stop believeing in bad luck, or that a that a lot of sucessful looking people are all show. sounds like you’re in the pick a reason to get out of bed and shower, then force yourself to do it stage? i hate that stage, it’s exhausting.
I really don’t think this is any good for the OP. He’s not talking about sucess or making it! Just getting ANY job at all!! (Edit, did you not even take in the first paragraph?!). Saying he can’t get anywhere without help from family is really bad. I’ve personally never had a leg up and have been able to get a job and basic career. I understand it can be far more difficult for others, and I went through a stage like his of not being able to get even basic wage work, so I appreciate what I’ve got, but it is possible without nepotism!
i’m asking OP not to feel self deprecating about having taken that specific help. replying to this specific comment. Where* I understood it as them feeling undeserving of something that is extremely common but presented as unusual. which could close them off to seeking or accepting similar help in the future. if it came off as dissmisive of their post and experiance, that was not the intent. and i apologize to OP if they feel i was missing their perspective here.
I will be unemployed tomorrow. I don’t have plan for anything specific, I will probably just take my bike, put panniers on and explore Europe for some time.
I am fortunate enough that I have saved enough money for few years of this. But still I will apply to some university to finish some degree to look important (I don’t understand the fixation of most people to these letters before names).
What I mean by this is simply that you probably need to do something. It doesn’t have to be something that your family approves (my mom isn’t thrilled by what I want to do). Maybe move, try to find job elsewhere…
Sucks man. I will only suggest that everything in life can and often does change.
Happy to chat bullshit or whatever. What’s your favorite dog?
I really don’t like dogs or pets that much really. I don’t have the money or will to deal with one
Hey I hear you man.
I’m feeling you. I’m in the states, praying we don’t vote in a rapist to control the country for the next few years. The anxiety is real. I can’t afford to leave.
You mention not having any human contact other than your family, that sounds really stressful especially if they’re on you for not having a job. Are there any opportunities where you are to do volunteer work, like at animal shelters, hospitals, or similar options? That would expose you to other people, could help with depression (helping others often does,) and might even give you some leads on jobs.
No.
What’s your transportation situation like?
I can’t drive. And I don’t have money.
There’s services you can work for online from anywhere like Amazon Mechanical Turk or even some freelancing gigs depending on your skillset. The pay with Mechanical Turks isn’t great, but based on wherever you live, combine that with other side work and it could be enough to help get you out the situation you’re in.
Sometimes I google painless ways to die.
I can relate to this feeling. It’s like feeling suicidal, without actually the planning or action, but a wishful type of feeling.
I was feeling this at my last job because this woman who worked an enforcement type position was legitimately harassing me for some reason. She made up lies and enabled others to lie to hurt me. I had worked hard in that industry that covered a county and built a name for myself, partially off the name my family had built in the industry, but was getting my own name because of the hard work I was doing. I was no longer “so and so’s son”, I was now being recognized by my name. And she just came in and messed it all up for me, made me look really stupid, and worse, it was all lies. I couldn’t do anything to reverse the situation. I tried speaking up and was called a liar publicly. I felt powerless and helpless. I still have no idea why she had it out for me. I worked very well with all of her colleagues and those who worked there before her with no issues. I had also been taken advantage of by a coworker at this time, really a family friend who had known me since I was a toddler, and she used that to deceive me instead of just being upfront with her intentions which would have been a lot easier to work with. All while dealing with a close family member going through stage 4 cancer.
I often “fantasized” about ways I could end it all without actually going through it or would take me out. I would be driving and fantasize about the idea of just letting go and letting my car run into a nearby tree at a high speed or off a cliff into the ocean…
Thankfully I (obviously) never did and ended up switching industries and moving out of the area entirely and now I honestly can’t even remember her name. With being out of that position, that family friend’s betrayal no longer follows me. My family member has since passed, but I am at peace knowing they are no longer in pain.
I’ve been in a good position ever since then in nearly every way. My new career is something I’m more passionate about and feeling more content. I actually have a work life balance now. I get along with everyone at my newer job and also don’t have to work with an overseeing agency like hers. My boss is amazing, and always has been from the moment I met him. I’m also glad to not be supervising anyone anymore. That was a hell of its own too.
I’m sorry you’re going through this and feeling this way. It sucks that having a job is so much a necessity that it can cause this feeling in us.
I suppose the moral of my story is that everything in life is temporary, which is both a blessing and a curse, but a blessing to you right now to know that what you’re going through can be temporary. There is an end and it can and will come. There is a light at the end of the tunnel that you can come out of this and find a decent job again and find fulfillment in yourself again. Though, I hope the feeling of fulfillment comes before that because your purpose in life shouldn’t come from what you do, but who you are as a person. I don’t say that to put you down with how you’re currently feeling and apologize if that’s how it came across.
Is there any way you can volunteer? As I write this, I wonder if that can help in some ways. For you to get out physically and not have to be in the same physical location all day which can be damaging for your psyche. For you to find some fulfilling purpose again outside of yourself. For you to see a different side and find reasons to be glad you’re still here. For you to potentially have exposure to others who may recognize your contributions and help you find a position elsewhere. All things that I think could help improve your current life situation.
Suicidal ideation is the term you’re looking for.
If you’re under 24 consider job corps.
35 M
How about enlist in the foreign legion for France or Ukraine? You get paid, and if you suck you die.
Part time construction? Fence building. Don’t need to talk much, or have much skill.
Nothing of that exist in my area
Sounds really tough for you, job hunting can be hard, really hard. Employers often look for certain people - you mention amazon workers with less language skills, they’re employed because they can’t kick up a fuss and will take being pushed harder on the whole. You could play dumb maybe to get a job to get that maybe? My only other thought at the moment is to try recruitment agencies if there’s any about where you are and you’ve not rhoughtbof that yet.
Try something like year up where you have a one year training with an stipend given to you
That literally doesn’t exist.
If it’s really dire, feel free to DM me your Session ID (anonymous chat app) and we can talk.
