• shalafi@lemmy.world
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    15 days ago

    Subscribed to a dating coach 20-years ago that was shockingly astute. Never paid for his materials, but the free emails basically said all there was to say. He really understood human nature as it relates to dating. He didn’t talk about getting laid or how to manage a relationship, only how to get more dates, the rest being on the reader. (The asshole pickup artists took work like his, disregarded anything human about it and ran full tilt into misogyny. Can’t even talk about it any more without people making assumptions.)

    One thing he constantly hammered home was, “Attraction is not a choice.” We have zero control over what floats our boat. He never talked manipulation games, only about how to better yourself and be more attractive. One example, women don’t like meek men, so stand tall, throw your shoulders back and walk with confidence. (That’s not to say one requires machismo!)

    Another example, women are turned off by slovenly men. It’s not like they’re making some sort of calculation, they’re simply turned off. The feeling is instant and unanalyzed. Men are exactly the same! Large breasts are a solid turnoff for me, but I never sat down and decided that.

    I cannot imagine being a man sexually attracted to another man, but once I truly internalized that attraction is not a choice, the world made a lot more sense. LOL, and I got more dates!

    • taladar@sh.itjust.works
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      15 days ago

      Attraction might not be a choice but making an effort to be attractive or not certainly is. I am talking about the basics that anyone can achieve like hygiene, tone of the conversation,…

      • shalafi@lemmy.world
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        15 days ago

        Absolutely! Very rare I think of someone, “Wow. There’s not a thing they could do to be more attractive.” LOL, it’s a tough stat to max out!

        Makes me sad to see so many comments about people thinking they’re ugly and there’s nothing to be done. One of my best friend’s through school was the fattest around, by a huge margin, really freaky in the 80s. Saw a pic of him after he grew up and came out gay. My man was hot!