Was banned from [email protected] for calling out a Mod’s misuse of the Egg prime directive to criticize trans people for helping out trans women in denial of their trans-ness. They’re denying the validity of signs of being transgender, what the actual fuck, this shit is not okay. Then after banning me that dipshit locks the post so no one else can reply on it. How is this not power-tripping?
Modlog history for my account: https://discuss.online/modlog?userId=11993717
It may not be typical or usual, in that most boys indeed don’t do those things. But normal is a judgement word, and as they say, a setting on the washing machine. Thinking you have to convince someone the way they express their gender is not normal and they need to transition soon or they’ll try to kill themselves is not just catastrophizing, it is way projecting your own trauma and hangups onto other people.
And like, to be clear, I am not blaming you for having Extremely Big Emotions about this! Being trans in a transphobic society inherently comes with a lot of trauma and societal conditioning to sort through. We have to be extra careful to not just reinforce the same oppressive system of gender stereotypes while working through our own shit, it’s a real tightrope.
I’m not trying to say it isn’t normal to judge them for it, I know it’s hard to be trans and that’s why it’s important to show them the signs, so they can understand themselves why they aren’t cis. I know it seems like I’m catastrophizing or projecting I just know that for many trans people it is that way, it is very hard. Transitioning late after years in the egg or the dysphoria brought on by age can be too much for many people, which is why transitioning should happen sooner rather than later.
I’m glad you understand the nature of the situation here, I think gender stereotypes suck (I was denied official HRT because I wasn’t willing to pretend to be a woman for them) but it’s still important to recognize that for many people acting in non-standard ways are signs of being trans. Gender stereotypes are that way for a reason, they weren’t just arbitrarily made up, people of certain genders are drawn naturally towards gendered things correlating to their emotional gender, which is linked to their biological brain gender. That’s why acting feminine as a male is often a sign of being trans.
Even if you aren’t intending judgement with it, ‘normal’ carries a judging connotation, or at minimum the connotation that there is something wrong with them that needs to be fixed.
Telling them that the way their abnormality needs to be fixed is through transitioning rather than conforming to their ASAB is still imposing more gender stereotypes, even if it’s done with good intentions.
If someone is given free access to information about trans people and transitioning, can talk to trans people either in person or online to ask questions, etc, and they’ve decided they aren’t trans, then that’s just something you have to respect. Self determination is more important than making sure nobody can hurt themselves by making decisions they might regret.
I’m sorry if it came across that way, I don’t think people who do it need to be fixed, just helped to discover their true selves so they can be happy.
How? It’s literally encouraging them to transition away from their AGAB, it’s literally breaking gender stereotypes by virtue of presenting differently than society expects them to, since they are presenting and identifying as a gender different than what they were assigned at birth. Being trans breaks gender stereotypes.
Trans regret is one of the lowest regrets that there is out there, almost no one does and most if not all detransitioners do so because bigoted fucks made or coerced them to do it. Trans regret is practically non-existent in the real world without external influence.
FWIW I understand you weren’t intending it to be negative, but it’s just one of those words with too much cultural baggage. If it’s important to point out that someone’s gender expression is atypical (unusual, etc) that’s something that can be done without the implied value judgement of ‘normal’.
On one hand, yes; on the other, sentiments like “girls do xyz, therefore if you do xyz you’re a girl” are just gender stereotypes but trans inclusive. The trans inclusive part is good, the gender stereotypes not so much.
Absolutely, and for clarity when I was talking about people making decisions they might regret I was referring to someone regretting not transitioning. It’s always better to err on the side of letting people determine for themselves who they are, even if you don’t get it or think they’re doing it wrong or that they’re going to wish they’d listened to you.
I’m not trying to tell you that you can’t feel the way you feel, or that it’s wrong for you to feel it. It’s just important to know when it’s affecting how you treat others and potentially making a place more hostile to both trans and cis people.