“TF do I need this thing for? Can someone just give me my phone? This is too hard. There’s too many buttons. What are all these icons for? How come they don’t do things when I touch the screen? What do you mean it’s not a touchscreen? Can someone just open the damn Twitter app so I can post? What do you mean there’s no app on this? What’s my password? I have it written down in my notes. Just give me my damn phone!”