ROANOKE, VA—Local claims adjuster David Seaborne, a devoted husband and father of three, died Tuesday at the age of 37 following a long and painful personal battle with a 512-pound eastern lowland gorilla.
This is one of the best Onion articles ever. Read the whole thing.
That one, for me, although I also note that 5 blade razors are now a thing…
But you know what happened next? Shut up, I’m telling you what happened—the bastards went to four blades. Now we’re standing around with our cocks in our hands, selling three blades and a strip. Moisture or no, suddenly we’re the chumps. Well, fuck it. We’re going to five blades.
https://theonion.com/fuck-everything-were-doing-five-blades-1819584036/
That one, for me, although I also note that 5 blade razors are now a thing…
It was also basically a “news” article version of an SNL mock ad from the 70s about a 3-bladed razor with the tagline, “because you’ll buy anything.”