ROANOKE, VA—Local claims adjuster David Seaborne, a devoted husband and father of three, died Tuesday at the age of 37 following a long and painful personal battle with a 512-pound eastern lowland gorilla.
This is one of the best Onion articles ever. Read the whole thing.
Yeah, but who do you think taught him world domination skills? That can’t be self-taught!
Very true. They didn’t even offer that as an elective in my school :(