You must log in or register to comment.
What do you call a Rolls-Royce without wheels?
A Royce.
What is green, has four legs and would kill you if it fell out of a tree? A pool table.
What do you call a line with no points?
A pointless line.
What did the fish say when it hit the wall?
Dam
From Letterkenny: “What’s a Mennonite’s favourite kind of raisin? Barn raisin.”
What did the liar say?
It will all be okay.
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
Your mom 😎
It doesn’t even have to be contextually relevant
I can’t believe you’ve done this
The one I told at Christmas last month.
Me: when are they going on tour?
Niece: who?
Me: The Hawks
Niece: I don’t know?
Me: you dont know about the Hawk Tua?
What’s brown and sticky?
A stick
What’s brown and red and sticky?
Another bloody stick.
What’s brown and runny?
Usain Bolt
What’s brown and rhymes with snoop?
Dr Dre.
Why does Snoop carry an umbrella?
Fo drizzle.
Two muffins are in an oven.
One goes, “It sure is hot in here.”
The other muffin says, “Holy shit! A talking muffin!”
This is my casual go to, love freaking out as the second muffin.
I didn’t invent this but I was really proud that I ‘got’ this readers digest joke from the bathroom copy when I was 10? and it’s stuck with me.
Person A is on the elevator and Person B gets on
Person A: “You look like Helen Brown”
Person B: “You don’t look so good in black either”
Most of my dumb jokes don’t work in English, but here’s some that do:
- A Buddhist goes to the hot dog stall. What does he ask for? “Make me one with everything.”
- You heard about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just wanted some space!
After handing the hot dog vendor money, the Buddhist asks for change.
The hot dog vendor replies, “Ah, but change comes from within.”
The Buddhist then pulls a gun out from beneath his robes and points it at the hot dog vendor. The vendor exclaims, ‘I thought all Buddhists were peaceful!’ The monk then says, ‘Every monk carries with him his inner piece.’
That’s a good one!
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
Piiig.
(Say it aloud.)
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
What do you call a cow to no legs?
Ground beef
What do you call a cow with eight legs?
A spider.
That really made me laugh, then I told it to my husband and had even more fun, I was crying/laughing. Thank you. XD
You’re welcome!
And based on your user photo, it looks like you have a really good cat. I thought it was important to say that.
Looks like you do too! We love our Murphy. He’s a super senior at around 20–21 years old.
What’s the difference between zombies?
Zombies make honey and zombies don’t.
Apparently I’m too stupid to get even a stupid joke.
Say “zombies” aloud and it kind of sounds like “some bees.”
Yeah, I figured it out an embarrassing amount of time later.
Never mind. Ignore me. I’m an idiot.
