I struggle to keep going, I lack follow-through.
Got done with my big project (yay) but it could have been quicker. Want to not be tired from willing myself to do stuff.

  • mar_k [he/him]@hexbear.netEnglish
    2·
    14 days ago

    that is unfortunately what ADHD does until you find the right treatment or meds for it, it’s a debilitating brain disorder that ultimately affects your day to day ability to function. also everyone has different brain chemistry, so adderall might not help you while vyvanse or concerta or whatever might, and finding the right dosage can take time too

    • REgon [they/them]@hexbear.netOPEnglish
      21·
      14 days ago

      I gotta disagree pedantically. ADHD is only debilitating due to the world we’ve built, not inherently of itself

      • mar_k [he/him]@hexbear.netEnglish
        2·
        13 days ago

        i agree our world makes it a lot worse, but i also dont see how being born with extreme dopamine defencies, a frontal lobe that doesn’t fully develop, and all sorts of other imbalances causing emotional disregulation wouldn’t at all be a problem under utopian solarpunk communism

        i really feel like it’s one of the most misunderstood disorders. because the capitalists tell us work ethic = disciplined vs lazy mindset (irrespective of your class, support system, health, sense of belonging, brain wiring, chemicals, etc), people think it’s nothing more than being a little quirky/distractible, scrolling on tiktok for 5 hours, and that the harmful stuff can just be fixed through good habits. then you get a ton of people self-diagnosing (like 3/4 of the people at my uni who’ve told me they have it at), inspiring others to self-diagnose and further trivializing ADHD. or the painfully neurotypical person going "everyone’s a little ADHD centrist

        before starting meds + therapy this summer, i was consistently skipping eating and drinking because i was in hyperfocus, forgot, or felt like there was a wall in my brain preventing me from doing anything. i was going to bed at 6am everyday because my brain wouldn’t quiet down (my mom says i stopped napping by 2 years old). often, i’d stay up for 48+ hours from a hyperfixation. in high school, i started with high honors and skipping two grades of math. ended with mostly Ds and Fs, staring at a homework assignment for half an hour with racing anxiety and discomfort.

        last year, my executive dysfunction got to the point even basic things spiraled me into task paralysis and felt almost painful to do. then i watched a markiplier video, describing how his untreated ADHD made him stare at the instrument he used to love playing in front of him. feeling like there was sandpaper rubbing against his brain, paralyzing him from even doing the things he loved. realized this was exactly the experience i had day-to-day. how everything could be set for me doing something, how i desperately WANTED to do that thing, but felt like a hostage to my own brain.

        it’s a spectrum, but i don’t think my case is particularly extreme either, talking to others with the disorders and spending a lot of time on ADHD forums. this + therapy over the summer helped me realize ADHD was the root cause of my MDD, anxiety disorder, (most untreated ADHDers develop these), and a range of other issues. several studies found we live 8-13 years shorter on average, are 3x likely to have dementia, and only 5% of us graduate college. (most of these rates go down a good amount for the medicated.) a lot of these issues would be much less severe in a better, more communal world, but they’d still be issues that need treating

        sorry for the essay lmfao i got a lot to say on this