So I started talking to this guy in November. I really like him and he says the same. We are long distance of 7 hours so it’s not so so bad and we see each other here and there when he’s down here for work. Anyways… lately I’ve been feeling self - conscious and scared of him being bored / abandoning me. I had a bad past with my ex (he would compare me to other girls towards the end of our relationship and tell me he’s watching twerking lives to my face). And I’ve had anxious detachment relationships with my dad as we used to fight and not talk a lot so these feelings stem from trauma.
Anyways long story short. I obviously looked through his following. Nothing bad. He was following this one Instagram famous girl who post like thirst pics and whatever (boobs popping out, tongue out, etc) super gorgeous but the photos know what they r doing lol. Anyways, she was live and I joined and I said haha my man follows you. Take in, he liked her picture 2 days ago and it upset me because I don’t look anything like her and he wasn’t even liking my own stories. How do I have other men liking my stories but not him?! Lol. Anyways, I told her that she’s like oh eww girl lemme block him for you. I was surprised and I’m like sure lol. I told her if she can just remove him from her followers list and she did. She and her other viewers were telling me to see if he follows her back because then he’s noticing it. I feel so toxic that I’ve done this and so grossed out from myself. Oh btw, she said he would always text her and send her memes and say she looks good. But she said the last time he did that was November which is when we started talking so it’s fine I guess. But I don’t follow any men who post stuff like that so I found it so annoying that he liked the picture when it should’ve reminded him to unfollow her lol. Maybe I’m just mentally ill.
We also haven’t been talking as much the last couple days because when I found out I felt so gross and then I broke down to him (I didn’t tell him) about how I’m scared of the future and what will happen (I’m seeing him in two days and he said we will talk about it in person) but not texting all day until night (work stuff for him lol) is taking a toll of me . But it’s only temporarily as he’s down here for work but whatever. I get people have lives.
I just feel like I give so much of myself and my happiness, even faking it all the time, to not feel it in return. It feels like men r so interested at first but then they think ur so wrapped around their finger that they can start showing u less attention.
But he is a great guy and he hasn’t done anything wrong except that unless im just crazy. But he does treat me good. I might’ve got too vulnerable with him, he got me flowers and I cried like…. And when he told me to my eyes how much he loves spending time with me and it makes him happy i cried too because im not used to those things and hearing those words. Maybe that was a mistake
This is a hard thing to just say, but I hope you can understand that some of your fear and jealousy here is probably stemming from a lack of self confidence.
I say this, because I hope you can reflect on that, and be aware that some partners will understand and exploit that if you are not careful. This guy doesn’t sound like that, but maybe your next relationship is.
As others have said, try to have open communication, and accept sometimes if your values are fundamentally different. Sometimes people just are. Some can have open relationships happily, some thing looking at porn is cheating. Without judgement, both can be valid as long as both partners communicate and agree on that.
My feeling is generally the more secure you are in yourself and your sexuality, the less jealous and the less concerned you will be come with these things, and the more confidence you will have to cut off shitty partners who violate the norms you set. If your relationship is okay with porn, but not dating apps, then fuck them of they are browsing Tinder, even “just to look”.
Communicate, but also value yourself. This guy may be perfect, but maybe he’s not perfect for you. And that’s okay. Your chances of meeting someone gold are far better than you think if you keep your head up and go in eyes wide open than try and ignore issues.
Anyways, I hope some of this is moderately helpful to you. I hope you and him can work out, but I also hope you don’t compare yourself to camgirls or porn, ever. Fantasies are just that, we all have them. And they should never hurt your self worth.
Be well.
Thank you for this. I do lack some confidence. I’ve been through a lot of shit, from my ex, my own parents, and fake friends. My confidence has improved a lot since before and I’m proud but liking and being with a guy seems to make me self doubt. I think it’s the comparison or fear of abandonment. I texted him everything, what I did and how I felt about it and that I feel bad. I hope it works, I had to tell him because I felt bad that I went behind his back. Waiting for a reply but I’m nervous…