I’m trying to be better but I’m terrible some days and better others, my willpower day-to-day isn’t at all consistent enough to help. I’m always depressed and tired, even when I take my meds and get good sleep.
I love to imagine myself as I would be if I had the willpower and energy to tackle each day. What it would be like to be able to make friends as an adult without having anyone from college, highschool, or childhood. What it would be like if I could go about my day with confidence in my own ability, knowing I can back it up. What it would be like to live in my skin without wanting to scream all the time even when I’m happy. What it would be like if I was enough for myself.
What it would be like if I was just good enough to be okay. I wish I could be okay
How about ya’ll?
I know many people are like me in one way or another, and asking if there are is kind of pointless, but I just want to hear from people like me. I don’t want to be alone.
But I also know that these things are literally mostly the fault of the banal dystopia wearing down our will to live every day. As well as that despite all this shit you still believe in us, in the potential of humanity, is an act of love so pure that one who feels it cannot be evil. I will not accept your self hatred, you are a good person, just one thats been worn to pieces trying to pull them back together.
If your parents are cool. Move back in yo! There is no shame in it. In some cultures is pretty normal. Then your not dependent on a job paying you squat. Use the safety net of your parents basement. A decent job to work towards is ‘project manager’ it’s mostly just coordinating with a team and a client. If there is something you like hobby wise, there are meet up groups for it where you can find friends. Go to a gig, talk to people in the crowd. Ask them what other gigs they can recommend and go there and see them again. If you are a shy person. Download VRchat(you don’t need vr for it) and practice talking with people there. The great thing about it is you can always just log off and disappear.
Good luck human!
Yeah, as a project manager (cut teeth as UK 16-19 teacher then an ops manager), highly recommend - as you get further along you’ll need to do more important and more responsible things (manage the budget, take more ownership etc) but it’s basically just working out what needs doing, making sure everyone knows what they need to do, keeping the plan updated and highlight risks/issues to higher ups. And run the contract meetings.
Don’t get me wrong, it does require thoughtfulness, awareness/worldliness and confidence. But god it’s an easy way to pump your salary up without having specific university-level training!
Really good if you’re a jack of all trades with broad interests and experiences