Sorry, I’m not well known, and I haven’t been around much lately. I’ll make this quick.

I need to clear my head. My obsession with the online, combined with my constant angry nature, is causing my mental state to rapidly deteriorate. So much has happened in the past three days, and its causing me to lose my mind emotionally. I touched a bottle today, I’ve done that but twice.

My ban from Hexbear hit me more than I realized, and I’ve been using both Hexbear and Lemmygrad as a dopamine mine. I get into fights now purely for someone to talk to me, to respond, to acknowledge me, to hate me. It feels good to go back and forth like that. Thats not even talking about the embarrassing amount of hours I’ve spent refreshing the notifications, or looking for mentions of myself. I had become too in my own head, I have begun seeing my influence as a way to make me more popular not to teach or help, and that isn’t communist of me in the slightest. Its not healthy or good in the slightest. Its plain bad. Its been like this since August. If it continues it will get worse. My reckless drugged up debating led directly to my Hexbear ban, and although I do disagree with them, the fault ultimately lies with me. It would have been easy to ignore (well, at least the last one), but I jumped the gun for that hit that got me in trouble in the first place.

I wish I could learn to take the easy way, I always end up having it done the hard way.

I hope its nothing serious, and that I’ll be back soon. Maybe I’ll pop in once or twice. I hope not though, until I feel better. I have hope that if I stick to it, become more active offline, I’ll find better coping mechanisms. If I find better coping mechanisms, then I can use this site in a more healthy way when I come back. I will be coming back, that’s for sure.

Although, If I’m able to get my account temp banned (as I have recently requested from a certain grain consuming particularly large rodent), this would mean I have been officially banned at least once from every social media site I have ever been on. From Numotic banning me from lemmy, to Webtoons banning me for defense of the DPRK, to discord for being in too many “extremist” servers, to AO3 for my harassment of this one sex pest bastard (he was being a pedo, they all were, China should glass that site), to twitter for my anti-monarchist stance, and several more. That’s funny to me.

If you want to reach me for whatever reason, I can be found on the Lemmygrad Matrix server.

Mahalo, Comrades, and Aloha