So, I’m baby trans. I’m exploring, at what feels like a glacial pace, but feel the urge to do something more. More, different clothes, idk. **But ** I think I have this fear of looking ridiculous with something and just hating myself and getting depressed, so I just don’t.
I was thinking I was “afraid of feeling dysphoric”, but today I started wondering, it’s that fear actually the dysphoria?
Bonus thought; the wanting to explore, but not knowing what to do, feels a little bit like when you have an itch on your back and try to get someone to help but they more of chase it around until you just give up. It’s like that. My gender is itchy and I can’t figure out how to scratch it 🤣
As someone who has done everything they need to do, I will say that I do miss those early days of gender euphoria. It’s something special and beautiful, and everyone should cherish those moments, because eventually… everything will just be normal. Which is great! But it does get to a point where you’re just you. That’s the end goal, right?
It was a long, difficult journey for me, but I will always cherish every moment of it. It’s like childhood; you experience it once, and then it’s gone, and all that’s left are the memories.
That is a beautiful way to put it