Dear Eternal President Xi,

From afar I have greatly admired your stewardship of the Chinese Communist Party. It is clear by now that socialism with Chinese characteristics offer the only viable alternative to terminally declining US global hegemony. Comprehensive deepening of reform at home coupled with the visionary Belt and Road initiative abroad are offering a stable basis for the development of a worldwide alliance of progressive national elements towards the long-term goal of overthrowing the dominance of Anglo-American finance capital and establishing global communism.

However, there is one issue with your leadership that sadly prevents my official endorsement of Xi Jinping thought. A black mark on your record that has become increasingly difficult to ignore. The presence of CGI blood and muzzle flashes in Chinese action blockbusters such as Wolf Warrior 2.

If the 1980s style action films of your regime are going to insist on using the contemporary Washington consensus approach to action special effects, sacrificing verisimilitude and awesomeness on the altar of grim budgetary efficiency, perhaps party-led development really is functionally identical to neo-liberal capitalism.

As such, I am hereby calling for the US to renew it’s commitment to defending the sovereignty of Taiwan, supporting the struggle of freedom fighters in Hong Kong, and calling on our State Department to increase diplomatic pressure to force regime change, to punish the continue to punish the persecution of the Weegers, the Whygurs? whatever they’re called. Anyway…