I, myself am perfectly okay with who I am and my evolving identity (all of us are just Pokémon after all).
There’s this anxiety that stems from never being entirely sure how your environment is going to react that is causing this to be a more personal journey for me. Somehow it feels like having a greater degree of certainty is going to make actually being who I am to the rest of the world a lot easier. Confidence is key I guess.
Having had some bad experiences being open about my feelings definitely doesn’t help either. So until the need to do otherwise arises, I’ll probably just be honest with myself and not entirely with my surroundings.
In the meantime I’m having lots of fun stealthily experimenting with everything not tied to the stereotypical masculine identity. And I’ll continue doing so until I feel the need to make those elements part of my public identity.
That makes sense! I definitely share in your experience of anxiety that comes out of wanting to be open and expressive but also protect yourself. I’m navigating something similar and, well, I don’t have a good answer right now about what to do.
Generally, for people I know, I’ve found that I’m a very good judge of whether or not they will accept/embrace/vibe with my gender expression or be off-put by it and I know that influences the degree to which I mask (which I’m unhappy with, but working on). For people I don’t know—generally they don’t care as they have their own problems to work through, but I live in a socially liberal city so there’s that 😅
Oh yeah thankfully I live in a very safe and tolerant country, so no worries there. Though you have conservative nutjobs everywhere.
The anxiety probably stems more from the thought of being perceived as unpredictable than from the way people might view the identity itself. Which is probably why it feels like I should have it figured out.
Then there’s also the part where the sooner you have it figured out, the longer you get to live as your true self… maybe? How does one definitively crack an egg?
Haha, not sure if it’s possible to definitively anything that can’t be measured empirically. Glad you’re in a safe place ☺️
Yeah, I don’t have the best answers. What do you feel like your living as your true self is missing? Do you feel yourself making progress to that vision? What’s missing?
Honestly, I’m not sure if I’m missing anything I can’t have by doing things differently. Guess it’s mostly just a Schrödinger’s gender identity situation. I might be happier after socially transitioning. I might be happier after medically transitioning. The only way to know for sure is to experience, and taking the plunge on any of this is scary for multiple reasons.
I’m willing to bet I’m not the only one in this “quantum trans superposition state”, so I guess I’ll just hang around here and read about some of your experiences.
I know for sure that I don’t fit the template for someone born male, and I have known to varying degrees since I was eight years old. I have thought about transitioning before and the idea of it feels more comfortable to me than it probably does for most cis people. It’s just that I’m being careful with decisions that might leave lasting effects (both socially and mentally) until I’m more sure they will make my life better.
Appreciate you taking the time to pick my brain about this stuff!
Thanks for your kind words!
I, myself am perfectly okay with who I am and my evolving identity (all of us are just Pokémon after all).
There’s this anxiety that stems from never being entirely sure how your environment is going to react that is causing this to be a more personal journey for me. Somehow it feels like having a greater degree of certainty is going to make actually being who I am to the rest of the world a lot easier. Confidence is key I guess.
Having had some bad experiences being open about my feelings definitely doesn’t help either. So until the need to do otherwise arises, I’ll probably just be honest with myself and not entirely with my surroundings.
In the meantime I’m having lots of fun stealthily experimenting with everything not tied to the stereotypical masculine identity. And I’ll continue doing so until I feel the need to make those elements part of my public identity.
That makes sense! I definitely share in your experience of anxiety that comes out of wanting to be open and expressive but also protect yourself. I’m navigating something similar and, well, I don’t have a good answer right now about what to do.
Generally, for people I know, I’ve found that I’m a very good judge of whether or not they will accept/embrace/vibe with my gender expression or be off-put by it and I know that influences the degree to which I mask (which I’m unhappy with, but working on). For people I don’t know—generally they don’t care as they have their own problems to work through, but I live in a socially liberal city so there’s that 😅
Oh yeah thankfully I live in a very safe and tolerant country, so no worries there. Though you have conservative nutjobs everywhere.
The anxiety probably stems more from the thought of being perceived as unpredictable than from the way people might view the identity itself. Which is probably why it feels like I should have it figured out.
Then there’s also the part where the sooner you have it figured out, the longer you get to live as your true self… maybe? How does one definitively crack an egg?
Haha, not sure if it’s possible to definitively anything that can’t be measured empirically. Glad you’re in a safe place ☺️
Yeah, I don’t have the best answers. What do you feel like your living as your true self is missing? Do you feel yourself making progress to that vision? What’s missing?
Pesky lemmings being persistent! :3
Honestly, I’m not sure if I’m missing anything I can’t have by doing things differently. Guess it’s mostly just a Schrödinger’s gender identity situation. I might be happier after socially transitioning. I might be happier after medically transitioning. The only way to know for sure is to experience, and taking the plunge on any of this is scary for multiple reasons.
I’m willing to bet I’m not the only one in this “quantum trans superposition state”, so I guess I’ll just hang around here and read about some of your experiences.
I know for sure that I don’t fit the template for someone born male, and I have known to varying degrees since I was eight years old. I have thought about transitioning before and the idea of it feels more comfortable to me than it probably does for most cis people. It’s just that I’m being careful with decisions that might leave lasting effects (both socially and mentally) until I’m more sure they will make my life better.
Appreciate you taking the time to pick my brain about this stuff!