So the beggar at the red light began shouting, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!”
“Be quiet!” the people in the vehicle behind yelled at him.
But he only shouted louder, “Son of David, have mercy on me!”
When Jesus heard him, he rolled down his window and ordered that the man come near. Jesus asked him, “What do you want me to do for you?”
“Lord,” he said, “My only want is for enough coin to eat for today!”
And Jesus said, “If I were to give you coin, surely you would instead use it instead for drugs and alcohol. I shall not grant you this desire. Instead I shall speak unto the land that all shall know of your wicked ways and none will grant you coin again.”
Instantly the man cried out, “If you were not to grant me this, Lord, please allow me to pass on from this world onto hell, for truly I am already living there.”
And Jesus said, “I do not know the ways of my Father, but surely I know this: Your fate would not have fallen upon you had you followed Jesus, praising God. You have made this bed, and now it is time for you to lay in it.”
And the light changed to green, and Jesus sped away. In the din, the beggar could not explain that he was born a disciple and had praised God since taking his first breath. And the people in the vehicle behind who saw it drove past and said, “Get a job”, and praised God this fate would surely never befall them.
Oh yes, the part in the Bible where Jesus looks at the poor and goes “kys lol”
Modern-Day Jesus:
So the beggar at the red light began shouting, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!”
“Be quiet!” the people in the vehicle behind yelled at him.
But he only shouted louder, “Son of David, have mercy on me!”
When Jesus heard him, he rolled down his window and ordered that the man come near. Jesus asked him, “What do you want me to do for you?”
“Lord,” he said, “My only want is for enough coin to eat for today!”
And Jesus said, “If I were to give you coin, surely you would instead use it instead for drugs and alcohol. I shall not grant you this desire. Instead I shall speak unto the land that all shall know of your wicked ways and none will grant you coin again.”
Instantly the man cried out, “If you were not to grant me this, Lord, please allow me to pass on from this world onto hell, for truly I am already living there.”
And Jesus said, “I do not know the ways of my Father, but surely I know this: Your fate would not have fallen upon you had you followed Jesus, praising God. You have made this bed, and now it is time for you to lay in it.”
And the light changed to green, and Jesus sped away. In the din, the beggar could not explain that he was born a disciple and had praised God since taking his first breath. And the people in the vehicle behind who saw it drove past and said, “Get a job”, and praised God this fate would surely never befall them.
FTFY
In truth, that Jesus sounds sus.
Yeah he spoke about himself in third person. Maybe he was high.
I’m case anyone doesn’t know the origin of the phrase, “you made your bed, lie in it:” Procrustes