We, the editors of The China Bad Times, owe everyone a great apology.

Since April 1, we have been rejecting countless articles reporting on the latest information on China from our spies on the ground, because the Chinese managed to trick us!

For instance, we tried to interview local Chinese residents on their conditions:

Mr. Spy: “How would you say life is here in Chongqing?”

Resident A: “Life here is actually pretty g—”

Mr. Spy: “But the Sun never shines and it’s so gloomy here. Wouldn’t you say life in the United States would be so much better?”

At this point, the Chinese citizen proceeds to calmly recite what Mr. Spy believed to be an ancient curse:

“Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur. Excepteur sint occaecat cupidatat non proident, sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum.”

Update: Mrs. Spy (no relation) was able to intercept a message from strong man Kim Jong Un to so-called President Xi:

Great job confusing the liberal Americans. They’ll probably figure it out in a week but it’s still really funny.

As proud conservatives, we are offended by Kim’s remarks. Kim’s just lucky we have FREEDOM OF SPEECH in the USA. 🇺🇸 🦅 🇺🇸