ACWORTH, GA—In an effort to prepare for a “devastating” outcome, terrified conservative Clayton Hawkins told reporters Wednesday that he was planning to move to 1930s Austria if Donald Trump lost the presidential election. “I swear to god, if Kamala Harris wins in November, you can bet I’m getting a one-way ticket to Vienna circa 1937,” said Hawkins, explaining that, under the worst case scenario in which Democrats remained in control of the White House, the Austrofascist state would provide sanctuary to him and others who feared for the safety of their pure Aryan families. “I know I may sound paranoid, but the fact of the matter is that relocating to a mid-century autocratic one-party state is the only way to ensure that my fellow citizens are violently suppressed for failing to conform to a strict set of oppressive dictates.” At press time, a tearful Hawkins sobbed while imagining his sons growing up in a place and time where they were considered equal to another race or gender.
  • Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.worldEnglish
    61·
    4 months ago

    Weren’t they at war in the 1930s??? I mean not with other countries. This had nothing to do with WWII.

    They were fighting against emus…and LOSING. Yes, the bird, emus. Lost a war…to birds. Whose only tactic was “when they shoot at us, we RUN!”

      • Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.worldEnglish
        4·
        4 months ago

        Oh shit. I misread that.

        Well it’s Austrias fault. That would be like if Hawaii were named Camada and expect people will always read it as intended. Should just get their own damn name. Plus, Hitler came from Austria. They should have changed their name in 1946. Been like “Sorry guys, thats our bad.”