Adolescents with insecure attachment to their fathers are more likely to develop internalizing and externalizing mental health symptoms, which can lead to increased alcohol use. Attachment to mothers did not show a similar association with these outcomes.
Checks out for me too - though mine accidentally died while on the way to kill himself around the same age and he wasn’t quite a deadbeat. With untreated ADHD and other childhood traumas to boot (no, not the suffering Olympics and I hope it doesn’t come across that way - just want to be clear that you’re not alone).
I’m really sorry that you’ve been through the shit that you have. I cannot emphasize enough that you are a worthwhile human being, regardless of how people or life events have made you feel, and deserving of love and happiness.
I found medication and therapy to be life-changing, myself. I highly recommend seeking such assistance as you have both childhood and adulthood trauma that it sounds like you could use help. If you need assistance in figuring out what resources are available to you, feel free to DM me and I’ll give it a try.