Lol, fair enough. I am on my phone and it keeps deleting the breaks. I will split it up when I get home.

I got really into his books and music for a while. One day in the summer of 2004 I was on the hunt. Earlier in the day I had scored 2 boxes of Cuban Montecristo No.2 from a dude who sold that kind of shit.

I set off with a shirt pocket stuff full of Cuban cigars and started looking for a paperback copy of Curse of the Missing Doll Head. At the time I lived in a little town in North Texas and was striking out everywhere, but that day I was in San Antonio for the cigars. I hit all the Half Priced books and only found the book in hardback. I was giving up and headed back to where I was staying when I saw a little used bookstore in a shopping center. It was tucked back in the corner and I had never seen it before.

I went in and headed to the mystery section and there it was, one copy in paperback. I grabbed it and went to the cookbooks and quickly became oblivious to my surroundings. After spending about 2 hours going through the cookbooks and old magazines, they had an amazing amount of old Good Housekeeping, I went to pay for my couple of books and realized the place was packed.

I was halfway to the counter when this dude in a cowboy hat and a black and white western-patterned leather sports coat walked in everyone was clapping. I was like “Must be Burt Reynolds or something” and went to pay. The lady checked me out and asked me if I wanted to buy Kinky Friedman’s new book for the signing. The light bulb is on. Burt Reynolds was something alright, it was Kinky Friedman.

I bought his new book The Prisoner of Vandam Street and got in line. It took about 30 minutes to get to him and I was one of the last 10 or so people. He took my book, asked my name, signed it with some witty remark, and looked up at me to hand it back and shake my hand when he saw the pointed end of the two Montecristos I had left sticking out of my shirt pocket. He asked me what I had. I told him “Cuban Montecristo No.2, just opened the box today” and I handed him one. He stood up and shook my hand and told me to hang on a minute.

He finished signing the rest of the line and then sat outside with me and we smoked those last two cigars. He signed a couple more books for me and we talked about Austin and my small North Texas town and the music there, and then he had to split. He said next time the cigar was on him or something clever like that and split.

I wish I could remember it better but I am glad it is fuzzy, it makes it sort of like a mystery or some stupid shit like that. I gave away 2 of the 3 Vandam Street books to friends who were fans and a few years later I lost the other two books in a flood in Houston.

Edit: formatting

Ah, the old Tarantula attack. They never see that one coming.

We were 80s middle class both parents worked. My dad sold insurance and my mom was a nurse.

If you can’t run with the big dog stay on the porch.

Bro when I was a kid I was into it all. Tamagotchi, hyper colors everything, Pogs, Beanie Babies, Slap bracelets, scooters (not the razors scooters the earlier BMX scooters), friendship bracelets, that kickball with the plastic ring you bounced on, moon shoes, Jams, Big Dog, I’m a dude that loved him some Polly Pockets, windbreakers, bomber jackets, M.U.S.C.L.E, G.I. Joe, Pound Puppies, Garbage Pale Kids, those puffy monster balls you squeezed and their eyes popped out, Shrinky Dinks, and then by the late 90s I was walking around with 30" cuffs in my Kikwear and a Kangol.

Edit: Big Dawg changed to Big Dog, changed 80s to BMX.

I showed this to my friend and he reminded me of the time we got really into Swatch Watches but our parents wouldn’t buy them for us so we stole one and passed it back and forth until we got caught.

Don’t fly Boeing

What’s the deal with Tic Tacs? I guess everyone forgot his love for beans

“Titanium is how much? Fuck it use the fake stuff, I need a new super yacht. What’s the worst that can happen, we have to assassinate some whistle-blowers? Hahahahahahaha we can do whatever we want!” - Boeing Executive

There I figured it out for you

You know how old people get, by golly they forget everything.

They took my cereal away,
They took my Frosted Flakes away,
I was pouring a bowl,
When they walked right through my door,
They took my cereal away.

The KKK took my cereal away,
They took my breakfast away,
The KKK took my cereal away,
They took my breakfast away.

They came while I was dreaming,
My spoon was left there gleaming,
They took my bowl, they took my spoon,
Now I can’t eat in the morning,
The KKK took my cereal away.

The KKK took my cereal away,
They took my breakfast away,
The KKK took my cereal away,
They took my breakfast away.

And now my milk is lonely,
Just sitting in the fridge,
I used to have some Cap’n Crunch,
But now it’s just a myth.

I went to buy some more,
But the shelves were bare and cold,
The cereal aisle was empty,
And now I’m feeling old,
The KKK took my cereal away.

The KKK took my cereal away,
They took my breakfast away,
The KKK took my cereal away,
They took my breakfast away.

They took it, they took it away,
They took my cereal away,
They took it, they took it away,
They took my breakfast away.

Lol, old man gonna old man I guess.

Story old as time

Does she not have security?

Lol, no one can be dad bro and granddad was known to smite a fool or two so…

It’s the name of a book of short stories by Denis Johnson.

Pretty much, at the time if I had to make one more poached foie gras I was going to murder a porter just to get arrested and maybe get a full night’s sleep.

In my 30s I quit my super stressful job cooking fancy food for fancy fucks and got a job at Subway. It’s a long story full of sex drugs and rock and roll that led me to that Subway but that’s another story.

One day I was half drunk slinging subs when this lady came in with her daughter with Down Syndrome in tow. The store was slow, it was that dead time between lunch and dinner. Anyway, mom was frazzled but the daughter, Sarah, was so excited to be there. Mom got one of those flatbread joints and Sarah started in on an epic Cold Cut Combo. It had everything on it, it was about as big around as a small tree lol. I answered all her questions and it was like any other order, well except that epic sandwich lol.

They sat down and ate and I gave them some free cookies and went back to doing nothing. Sarah comes to the counter to say thank you, I say your welcome and then she asks me if I am sad. What? This took me aback a little. Some background, my parents had me late in life and poor health and age took them before I was 30. I have been alone for a long time now but at that time it was still kind of fresh and I didn’t have anyone that cared enough to ask if I was sad. I gave her some lame “no I am just tired” answer and she went back to her mom. They finished up and were leaving when I went to wipe down their table and Sarah came running up to me and gave me a bear hug. I was just standing there arms up in the air rag in one hand looking at her mom for guidance. It was sort of startling but man, I am hard-pressed to name a more needed hug lol.

Her mom apologised but Sarah just told me it was okay to be sad and they left. A few days later they came back and I made them sandwiches and they would sit and eat and we would all talk. I heard about school and her mom and dad and her mom would always apologize for bothering me. I was never bothered about it, I looked forward to my new friend’s infectious optimism every week.

That little girl helped me see some hope in what was at the time a dark place. I only worked there for about 18 months and when I left I waited until I saw them so I could tell them I was quitting. I ended up keeping in touch, went to a couple of birthday parties, and was pen pals with them when I moved for a new fancy food for fancy fucks job.

Sarah died from some complications due to her disability, she had a lot going on. She never cried about it, she was never anything but smiles and compassion. When I visited her in the hospital one time she was holding court in her room with the nurses and staff all smiling and happy. Her indestructible smile changed and in some ways saved my life. I miss that kid, I wish I had known her longer. Anyway, imma go cry like a little girl for a while lol. Peace.

I am not saying there isn’t politics involved, all I am saying is he was smoking drugs and bought a gun. The frequency of prosecution does not change the fact that it’s against the law. If I am not mistaken, I am often mistaken so correct me if I am, he took pictures of himself doing drugs that have landed him in this particular circumstance. The question was “Is Hunter Biden being prosecuted because of politics?” The way I see it politics is a causal factor, not the root, the root is he wasn’t smart enough to put the camera down when he smoked his dope and created a paper trail by buying a gun that then allowed for some partisan hacks to make a name for themselves.

From what I can tell he is being prosecuted because he bought a gun when he was also taking pictures of himself smoking crack. Like most criminal types he is a real brain trust.

I think he means Hillary, she was the first lady and secretary of state. He has a raging chub for her.