Comrade, I wish I could offer more than words to help you. I’ve never dealt with the medical issues like you have or had the misfortune of relying on our cruel broken system. I have been very depressed before by life and by the world around me and thought much in the same way you do about seeking an escape. I only wish life was not so hard for you, or for anyone for that matter. Nobody should be made to feel like death is there only option. Your story highlights the violence perpetrated against the poor by the wealthy.

“When one individual inflicts bodily injury upon another such injury that death results, we call the deed manslaughter; when the assailant knew in advance that the injury would be fatal, we call his deed murder. But when society places hundreds of proletarians in such a position that they inevitably meet a too early and an unnatural death, one which is quite as much a death by violence as that by the sword or bullet; when it deprives thousands of the necessaries of life, places them under conditions in which they cannot live – forces them, through the strong arm of the law, to remain in such conditions until that death ensues which is the inevitable consequence – knows that these thousands of victims must perish, and yet permits these conditions to remain, its deed is murder just as surely as the deed of the single individual; disguised, malicious murder, murder against which none can defend himself, which does not seem what it is, because no man sees the murderer, because the death of the victim seems a natural one, since the offence is more one of omission than of commission. But murder it remains.” Frederich Engels