I don’t understand why business people do this to themselves. I quit working for large organizations in favor of smaller companies that pay less, because at least there’s much less of this. It does get unbearable.
I once got an email from an executive C-level who mentioned adding value at least four times in a single paragraph.
Annoying as hell because the email hardly contained anything of substance.
That would be every e-mail from C-level.
That’s the special executive duckspeak.
I’ve gone from being righteously angry to bored and hopeless hearing the speech of some particularly skilled practitioners.
It’s really kind of amazing how this kind of babble can have such an intense emotional impact while textually imparting almost 0 new information.
It’s all about the vibes conveyed by the medium. Kind of like how trump talks in a way, come to think of it.
I had a business professor who used “value add” constantly, to the point that I still can’t hear that 20 years later without cringing. Our final project in his class was something like “look at a business and find a place where you can value add.” That was literally all the guidance we got.
I cannot tell you how many bosses Ive had/ heard say they are going to have a moment of “radical kindness” and then proceed to just RIP into their employees until they cry.
Corporate double speak is wack.
This sounds quite specific for something you had to experience multiple times. Hope the people are ok and you found something better to work for.
idk, I know that there are great companies to work for- my sister found a unicorn of a job. Great pay (and hourly), tons of vacation, work from home, a decent amount of travel but not too much (she’s in sales for a scientific instrument company), but I have job hopped enough to know that what she has is now becoming the exception. And of course to your point, this is all anecdotal. I’m now self employed and I’ve never been busier nor happier.
I’m picking up a scent of conservative-flavored grindset thinking, where since adversity and pain build character and resilience, I’m pretty much the best person I can be by being a complete piece of shit to those around me.
We’ll circle back to this next week.
With actionable deliverables
To move the needle
I’m fucking mad that I hear many of these every day and ENGLISH IS NOT MY FUCKING MOTHERTONGUE YOU FUCKING FUCKS
Ping me
Same, but to be honest… attempts to migrate some words to your own language can also get very awkward.
I’m in full swing of a job search and I painfully relate to this image
No way, this is a great reference chart. All the actionables have been curated into one place.
Agile and synergize aligned itself into this chat.
look at this guy being proactive
It’s interoperable, baby. It’s how we get to “done” by energising ourselves, being more agile, adapting to new models, and advocating on behalf of–
Okay, I can’t do anymore I’m repulsed.
I hate you for writing that. I hate that those words are present in my daily work life. Fuck corporate language.
Let’s table that for a second and circle back to it. Help me understand why you hate me for writing that. What can I do to help? Consider that our goal is to maximise our efficiency by staying in our lanes, escalating where required, and providing all necessary language to our partners for transparency’s sake.
LOL I’m really sorry to do that to you bud but it’s fun to laugh at the way we have to talk in corporate world
No worries, it’s all in good fun :)
It’s a totally outrageous paradigm.
For some unknown reason the phrase “thought leader” drives me crazy.
How do you feel about “Leading thought leader”? 🤮
Thoughtful leading thought leader.
Are you a Theoretical Physicist?
Makes me wanna logout life
Self-uninstall
Unsafely eject drive
My least favourite was my company motto of “Personal, Simple, Brilliant.” It was supposed to be an ethos that ran through the whole company. It was actually just what management expected front line workers to be towards customers, regardless of whether the business leaders were making decisions to screw over the customer and the front line staff or not.
The amount of times I asked for support only to be shot down and laughed at when I told them “Well, that doesn’t sound very personal, simple or brilliant to me.” when speaking of their management culture.
Fun game to play at “all-hands” meetings: https://www.businessbuzzwordbingo.com/
Synergy
Cross-Pollination. Breaking Down Silos.
Cross-Pollination
My team lead likes to talk about “fertilizing each other”.
I would have so much fun with that, I’d fear HR would get involved.
“Hey don’t mind me I’m just here to fertilize you”
ಠ_ಠ
Elon?
Cross-functional is the variant I see more often
This shit makes me want to start a cult in the woods so I can live completely isolated from corporate culture bullshit
Ok but hear me out.
We acquired 20 new logos this month!
“Net new logos” was an actual term used in the company I previously worked for.
I worked with a government IT department that focused on renaming itself at least 7 times.in 2 years, with new mission, vision, logo, etc. each name was something like “end users experience department” or some shit liek that.
what are “new verticals”? do i even want to know?
They are opportunities for increasing shareholder value through innovative and disruptive market-leading practices.
🤢🤮
I mean not necessarily, they could just be ways to expand profit centers by increasing pipeline opportunities through net new MQLs
Depending on the context of the business, it could also mean exploring new product categories, like a bicycle maker deciding to get into the skateboard market because it happens to be popular. Or in the context of an online news website, a “vertical” is whether you are writing about tech, or health, or pop culture, etc…
When I wrote for MUO (very briefly) I was assigned to the creative software “vertical”; writing articles about video editing software, updates to different paint/art programs, etc…
This is the correct answer, but I wanted to be silly.
Also, it makes sense that an ellipsis as a single character exists, but I’ve never seen it before. It’s blowing my mind.
Verticals are industries. I.e, “services” or “wholesale” are verticals.
