I was diagnosed at a young age and this isn’t new, but I have become more and more frustrated with it: getting to do something often happens slow. In the gym my exercises are often interrupted by many minutes of getting stuck in my head, being distracted.
People talk about how it’s okay to take breaks but I sometimes lose HOURS at home because I just don’t do anything and it isn’t resting either because my head keeps churning without a goal. I call it a limbo between activity and resting. Sometimes my phone or another means of distraction is to blame, but other times it’s just anxiety to do something because “is this the best use of my time?” (in general I often have time anxiety)
It drives me crazy because I will have a plan of things to do that’s totally reasonable and achievable, but then I only achieve a small part of it because I keep wasting so much time, I then procrastinate on the rest. This mainly affects activities/plans I’ve set myself, those set by others let me just obey and not have to overthink as much.
Does anyone else relate and can they share means of dealing with it?
Oh boy, that’s a lot to read… I will just type out whatever comes to mind.
So, first off: what is “autistic catatonia”? I have never heard of this or even just “plain catatonia”.
That’s basically where I’m already at regarding possible ADHD. I started the process at looking at counsel or whatever means of support available, so I want to get into that too. If only the municipality will get back to me…
I must say that I took your examples of crossing physical boundaries metaphorically: making that first step towards doing something is often scary to me, because it means I’ve committed to it and have to walk the path with uncertainty. I don’t experience it in the literal sense, except when it’s tied to such a moment, like leaving bed.
Other people here suggested timers and such. My mind worries that I’ll eventually start ignoring them anyway, but I should at least have tried it.
As for my “sensory diet”, I argue I have not enough stimulation, leading me to get lost in my own head in search of something to do.
Lastly, I want to say that I’ve grown up to be scared of negative reactions / criticism, in particular from my mom: she has quite unfiltered reactions and when I complain successfully places the blame on me. I think her + my autistic perfectionism has contributed the most to a fear of trying or not doing things perfectly.
I’m gonna try and return to this comment but in the meantime I just wanted to reply with a couple of quick thoughts:
If that description of literally feeling a sort of block doesn’t fit then that makes catatonia less likely. It doesn’t rule it out entirely but it isn’t a flashing neon sign screaming out “catatonia” either.
Have you come across the concept of maladaptive daydreaming before? I wonder how closely this might fit your experience, or maybe part of it? Just mentioning this because I know it’s gonna a slip my mind if I don’t ask now.