• Aeao@lemmy.world
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    1 day ago

    The fem-cel community has already accepted me even though I’m a cis straight white guy who’s asexual (so voluntarily celibate) but I’m happy I can now finally check one box and accept myself as a femcel.

    • Tartas1995@discuss.tchncs.de
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      8 hours ago

      But are you voluntarily celibate if you are asexual? I don’t mean it as a gatcha or something, but as a philosophical question.

      In my social circle, the asexual people seem like they would probably prefer to be non- asexual because it is easier to find a partner for life if sex is not a no-go. So clearly their asexuality is not voluntary, they just are what they are. now acting on the involuntary part of yourself, is that a voluntary action?

      (Sidenote: I am not saying that these asexual people aren’t accepting who they are, or think it is bad that they are what they are. Personally I think being pansexual is the best because you got all the options, while I seem to be straight and I am very comfortable with it and feel like I am living a comfortable and fulfilling life with my partner. So I really mean 0 hate towards asexual people or anyone else. I am just talking about the practical impaction of sexualities in our given social norm)

      • Coskii@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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        7 hours ago

        Much like anything else, being asexual is a spectrum. It took me a very long time to figure out I was and that’s because I personally didn’t get any physical satisfaction out of sex, but I enjoyed the part where I made my partner absolutely melt with pleasure. Feeling romantic or emotional pleasure from sex is not uncommon, especially when coupled with someone who gets a ton of pleasure from it. That being said, I haven’t had sex in over a year, and from the way things look, I’m not going to for a very long time. I won’t say it’s voluntary though it’s definitely not because my partner doesn’t want to.

        • Tartas1995@discuss.tchncs.de
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          7 hours ago

          Oh interesting 🤔 from the people that I have a more in-deph conservation, I understood that sex wasn’t enjoyable for them because they felt really uncomfortable with it which resulted in a non-satisfying experience for the partner and in turn, generated a feeling of failure to be a good partner in them.

          It is really interesting to hear different perspectives. Thanks for sharing and please anyone who wants to, share with me your thoughts and feelings on the matter!

          • Coskii@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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            52 minutes ago

            I would assume that there are different ‘reasons’ that cause the broader feel of asexuality. Mine is a complete apathy for the want or need of it. I can enjoy making others feel good, such as giving them a massage in a normal way. I can feel that my work towards helping them feel good is rewarding in and of itself.

            I figured out my side of things when after being with my partner for many years I was getting increasingly frustrated that while they were able to enjoy the experience for what seemed perpetual, my side of things remained the same, regardless of whatever was done. To feel the same for oral or penetrative felt like something was wrong to me so I started looking around st other types of options. I did whatever appealed to me but in the end none of it changed anything for me.

            For other people, they may have a different kind of situation where the act in any form is uncomfortable due to either a personality quirk or in some a complete lack of empathy. Something that is blocking them from experiencing what is in effect a ‘really intense massage’ that some people crave. I’m not going to try and list all the various societal/personal/learned behaviors people have about sex across the globe which may play a part in their enjoyment/need/desire for sex.