I often times imagine failing to imagine how high I am. Then I realize I don’t actually know anymore and just drink some water and pack another bowl.

It really used to be a problem. It still is one, but it also used to be one, perhaps moreso then and I’d like to think less-so now.

Some days I slip up and start comparing myself to others; what if I had my shit together like some of my better-off sober friends and colleagues? Yet again, what if I were to end up worse off like some friends who’ve made poorer choices? Then I realize it’s a matter of whether I can make decisions, so I hit the t-brake and go clean for however long I feel until I’m comfortable with saying “yeah nah shits about the same where’s my trusty ol water pipe”