In local news, a man’s reaction to his six-year-old son’s excitement over catching a six-inch bluegill has raised eyebrows in the community. Despite the child’s genuine joy and enthusiasm at reeling in his first catch, the father expressed disappointment, considering it a “pathetic” accomplishment.

Sources close to the situation reported that the father muttered, “Big deal, anyone can catch a bluegill. They’re practically brain-dead and will bite anything you throw at them, even a bare hook. It’s not like he caught a trophy bass or anything worth bragging about.”

Read the rest of the hilarious satire news article here at TattletaleTimes.com

  • partial_accumen@lemmy.worldEnglish
    5·
    5 months ago

    When news of this article broke the father contacted us for a rebuttable:

    “I wanted to let you know I’m catching a lot of flak for that article you wrote. What you didn’t include was my goal in ‘making a man out of him’. You see, he takes too much after his mother. She’ll say things like ‘I’m proud of my master degree’ or ‘Universal Suffrage is the cornerstone of democracy’. I have no idea why she thinks suffering is so important, but its going to take more than that to make my son a man. I can tell you she wasn’t saying those things when I met her at that Foo Fighters concert and later where I took her in my Mustang 5.0 to do burnouts behind the Dairy Queen. Ever since I got her pregnant, she’s not interested in my Mustang anymore and is always yapping about things like ‘we need to put that in our retirement savings’ and ‘why did you spend the rent money on beer again with your friends’. What she needs to learn is that men must hang out together. It toughens them up, just like how I tore down my son’s fish.”

      • VelvetStorm@lemmy.worldEnglish
        7·
        5 months ago

        It’s exactly what I’m looking for in a satire news site. I’m tired of the onion making articles that just seem like regular news, although that’s less their fault and more the fault of society.