So for Christmas this year we are traveling to the inlaws, this involves a short flight to a state we cant drive to (I’ll give you 2 guesses). Not STOKED about traveling cause its MUCH easier for them to come to us, but whatever.
They often to a greater family thing on Christmas day. I’ve been asking for months what the plan is. Finally found out that Christmas day plans are 2 hours drive from their place, strike 2.
And that there isnt room for us to stay the night so we would have to drive back (for a total of 4 hours in the car) or spend over 1k on accommodation overnight, strike 3.
Given we only fly in Christmas eve (and i depart day after boxing day) Im a bit… not enthused about the whole thing.
Mrs B is acting like im the asshole for not wanting to travel or spend even more than we had originally planned to do, I claim the goalposts have been moved and its too much to expect of us with a toddler.
So, thoughts?
That’s a good point. We’ve offered to share our place with family flying in. We don’t really have room for them. Kids will be sleeping on camp mats and sharing bedrooms, adults will be sleeping on the sofa bed. It’ll be tight. But we’ll make it work if they need a roof.
Sorry I probably wasnt clear. Grandparents have tons of space for us. but the extended family doesnt have space, and their place is 2 hours away. All their kids/grandkids and stuff are coming and they get first dibs apparently. Sort of makes sense I guess, they’d be… tinyest’s second cousins I think?
I mean, for me the absolute highlight of the trip is gonna be regretting sharing a seat with tinyest. He was a lot smaller when I booked it and I decided “Screw it, its cheaper he can just sit on my lap”. Betting im gonna be kicked from here to there.
Combined with the cost of everything and also a family to tow around with you without accomodation, I think it’s unreasonable for you to have to spend the extra money, time and stress with it all.
It’s not helped by the Mrs opinion on this being the opposite of yours.
Sorry this is a hill I’d die on. You have a toddler, fam only told you plans now, and you have a metric fuckton of driving to do, AND ITS A THOUSAND DOLLARS FOR THE ACCOMADATION!
yeah nah, your missus can go by herself, but I don’t think this is doable. 4 hours min of driving with a toddler, plus the weather and the flying. Pfft
Oh she wants to! and she wants to take tinyest which I squarely put my foot down on. Too much for him. and Frankly, I’m entitled to enjoy Christmas too!
Yeah, no, sorry to the Mrs, but honestly sometimes we don’t want to hang out under forced conditions, on the holidays nonetheless. Most of us have probably done it for a number of occasions. Life is just too short at this point to always be accommodating to others when they’re not even somewhat thinking of us.
It might be worth having a good chat with the Mrs to clear the air and try and get on the same page. While I understand that she might not think it’s a big deal, it’s not fair to invalidate your feelings on it. You might agree to disagree, but for sure, if I was expected to be okay with it this time, I would not be doing it again.
That’s a lot to ask. Personally I’d visit the inlaws later when it’s cheaper but Mrs. B will still be shitty about it. I’d offer a compromise. Go later for longer without that distance and more convenient for your fam.
Yeah tried that, went down like a lead balloon. Shes like “Well, if they want to go you can just stay at their place”. I said “Nup. if they want to go I’m staying home. We can fly over when its cheaper”.
NTA. I wouldn’t do any of this let alone with a small child. It’s too much to ask and it’s just begging for tantrums because he’s hungry or overtired or overstimulated or bored. Or difficulties involving vomiting or nappy changes.
The adults can also get tired and stressed, maybe get into fights.
It’s ultimately between you guys but I looked at that itinerary and it all looks like way too much.
I’m extremely antisocial and introverted irl so would probably refuse and if need be I would fake illness
its more a money thing for me. I spending all this money to go spend christmas with them and they decide “actually, we might not even do christmas here” is a but sucky.
It just sounds too hard. Edit: and too expensive .Won’t hurt to miss one year, and they obviously weren’t thinking of you when these plans were being made. Christmas is hard enough and expensive enough without these hoops.
need some of that DT perspective.
vent
So for Christmas this year we are traveling to the inlaws, this involves a short flight to a state we cant drive to (I’ll give you 2 guesses). Not STOKED about traveling cause its MUCH easier for them to come to us, but whatever. They often to a greater family thing on Christmas day. I’ve been asking for months what the plan is. Finally found out that Christmas day plans are 2 hours drive from their place, strike 2. And that there isnt room for us to stay the night so we would have to drive back (for a total of 4 hours in the car) or spend over 1k on accommodation overnight, strike 3. Given we only fly in Christmas eve (and i depart day after boxing day) Im a bit… not enthused about the whole thing.
Mrs B is acting like im the asshole for not wanting to travel or spend even more than we had originally planned to do, I claim the goalposts have been moved and its too much to expect of us with a toddler. So, thoughts?
I’m sorry but if the in-laws have no place for their child, child’s spouse and their grandchild…fuck’em.
That’s piss poor parenting.
I would give up my own bedroom and sleep on couches for such guests!!! Or blow up mattresses!!
That’s a good point. We’ve offered to share our place with family flying in. We don’t really have room for them. Kids will be sleeping on camp mats and sharing bedrooms, adults will be sleeping on the sofa bed. It’ll be tight. But we’ll make it work if they need a roof.
Sorry I probably wasnt clear. Grandparents have tons of space for us. but the extended family doesnt have space, and their place is 2 hours away. All their kids/grandkids and stuff are coming and they get first dibs apparently. Sort of makes sense I guess, they’d be… tinyest’s second cousins I think?
No. It doesn’t make sense. Locals don’t get dibs!!
No matter what, family is important, but looks after your own arse and wallet.
What the absolute fuck? I’m also really sorry that you happened to catch covid this Christmas and didn’t wanna risk harming your in laws.
😂😂😂
Which bit of this is enjoyable?
😂
I mean, for me the absolute highlight of the trip is gonna be regretting sharing a seat with tinyest. He was a lot smaller when I booked it and I decided “Screw it, its cheaper he can just sit on my lap”. Betting im gonna be kicked from here to there.
Um yeah…
Combined with the cost of everything and also a family to tow around with you without accomodation, I think it’s unreasonable for you to have to spend the extra money, time and stress with it all.
It’s not helped by the Mrs opinion on this being the opposite of yours.
yeeeeeep thats the issue.
Sorry this is a hill I’d die on. You have a toddler, fam only told you plans now, and you have a metric fuckton of driving to do, AND ITS A THOUSAND DOLLARS FOR THE ACCOMADATION!
yeah nah, your missus can go by herself, but I don’t think this is doable. 4 hours min of driving with a toddler, plus the weather and the flying. Pfft
PFFT
PFFT INDEED
Oh she wants to! and she wants to take tinyest which I squarely put my foot down on. Too much for him. and Frankly, I’m entitled to enjoy Christmas too!
Sorry, but F the fact that there isn’t a place for you to stay when you’re already travelling interstate with a toddler.
AND that it would cost 1k for accommodation and they’re only telling you in November. With the cost of things?
TF is wrong with people.
thank you! thats my take on it. But the mrs is like “its no big deal”.
Yeah, no, sorry to the Mrs, but honestly sometimes we don’t want to hang out under forced conditions, on the holidays nonetheless. Most of us have probably done it for a number of occasions. Life is just too short at this point to always be accommodating to others when they’re not even somewhat thinking of us.
It might be worth having a good chat with the Mrs to clear the air and try and get on the same page. While I understand that she might not think it’s a big deal, it’s not fair to invalidate your feelings on it. You might agree to disagree, but for sure, if I was expected to be okay with it this time, I would not be doing it again.
If it’s no big deal for youse guys then surely it’s an easier deal for the inlaws to travel to you
That’s a lot to ask. Personally I’d visit the inlaws later when it’s cheaper but Mrs. B will still be shitty about it. I’d offer a compromise. Go later for longer without that distance and more convenient for your fam.
Yeah tried that, went down like a lead balloon. Shes like “Well, if they want to go you can just stay at their place”. I said “Nup. if they want to go I’m staying home. We can fly over when its cheaper”.
You’re not the asshole here mate. The inlaws are the real assholes here.
NTA
When things change agreements must be renegotiated.
always amazes me how inlaws expect other people to spend money to see them, i would tell them cars and airplanes travel in both directions
they are typically pretty good. I think the mrs volunteered us to go over this year… I said thats fine but next year we’re staying put.
NTA. I wouldn’t do any of this let alone with a small child. It’s too much to ask and it’s just begging for tantrums because he’s hungry or overtired or overstimulated or bored. Or difficulties involving vomiting or nappy changes.
The adults can also get tired and stressed, maybe get into fights.
It’s ultimately between you guys but I looked at that itinerary and it all looks like way too much.
I’m extremely antisocial and introverted irl so would probably refuse and if need be I would fake illness
its more a money thing for me. I spending all this money to go spend christmas with them and they decide “actually, we might not even do christmas here” is a but sucky.
Maybe tell them it’s too expensive to do it then.
Hopefully Mrs B agrees somewhat that 1k plus flights plus misc is too much.
Do you want your boy travelling in a car for that long? I think you know the answer.
heck no!
Any chance you can find a camper van for rent late notice? Get your own car/accommodation and do more of what you want.
It just sounds too hard. Edit: and too expensive .Won’t hurt to miss one year, and they obviously weren’t thinking of you when these plans were being made. Christmas is hard enough and expensive enough without these hoops.