I’ve read out there that the ratio between men and women on dating apps is pretty awfully skewed. The estimates I’ve read, from a variety of sources all claiming inside insight, put it somewhere at 10:3 men:women on the high end and about half as many women on the low end. Let me tell you, I sure do feel it. I’ve been using some combination of Tinder, Bumble, and Hinged on and off for more than half a decade now and I’ve had two dates total. The first one didn’t have a second date because she sexually assaulted me, the other because she just didn’t feel any chemistry. I can get maybe 5 matches in a month if I’m maxing out my free likes on two platforms every day. The chance they even respond to the first message is like 1/10. So on, so forth. I think I’m a decent catch. I take care of myself. I have a job, hobbies (even ones that aren’t video games/TV!), open myself up to plenty of new experiences, try to listen to others, and was lucky to be born with some conventionally attractive features. Hasn’t helped very much.
This all sucks, but this is nothing that anybody who has used a dating app could tell you. What really kills it all is A) the way this shitty feeling is monetized to sell $30/mo dating app subs that I will not buy on pain of death B) the white-knuckled grip half the women in the south (where I live) seem to have on outdated gender roles C) the lack of any alternatives
Elaborating on that last point, I live about an hour outside of the nearest city of any decent size. I’m in maximum old-white-people-exurb territory. There’s basically nothing for me to meet people my own age, let alone women my age, without an hour’s drive. All but three of my friends are guys, and they aren’t really positioned to introduce me to anybody either. Out of my ~10 closest friends, only one of them has even been in a relationship in the past 5 or so years. I can’t move because I’m at my parent’s house right now and it feels super hard to justify moving out when you’re making less than 50k/yr and have a stable family situation just because I’m sexually frustrated. It’s been so long I feel like I wouldn’t even know how to flirt or recognize flirting even if I landed in a miracle situation anyways.
What do yall think? Am I making too much out of it?
It’s all fucked and I am sorry to tell you this, but living in a bigger city doesn’t actually do anything besides making it so more people are on the apps.
Living in a big city can give you more opportunities to meet people outside of dating apps though.
theoretically definitley true, but with how expensive it is to go out and how much covid killed anyones drive to socialize with strangers, it definitely hasn’t been the case in my practical experience. the stats definitely point towards people everywhere having less luck finding people in bars, clubs, etc.
Ah interesting, that’s not been the case in my experience.
Do definitely agree about the cost though. It sucks that having a social life is often stuck behind a paywall.
Still, in general, big cities are going to have more opportunities than small towns, even if both are comparatively less social than in the past.
what kind of state or city do you live in?
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More people in the same radius, but they’re all complete strangers with no mutuals, and paradoxically, they only find you if they’re looking for you.
When the acquaintances of the people you know make up a substantial fraction of the town, and whenn there’s a likelihood of seeing someone more than once, there’s more of an opportunity to organically connect with someone.
I see what you mean, but personally I’ve found it easier to find real community in big cities, bound by shared interest rather than just geography.
When I lived in a small town, I knew all my neighbours but those relationships rarely went beyond a quick “hello” on the street. In my city now there’s obviously a hundred anonymous strangers for every person I know, but I have a genuine culture and community in places and activities I frequent.