This short video has changed my life.
“So, where are you from?”
ohshitohfuckwahtdotheymean?WhereIlivenow?WhereI’veeverlived?WhereIwasborn?omfg. I never put 2 and 2 together. they are just trying to get to know me
Yes, I always answer with “I don’t have a favorite favorite but I have a top list…but that always changes” lol. Or “right now my favorite is…” because I’d get wayyyy too deep into that question.
HOLY SHIT.
I literally had this exact experience the last time I went on a date.
This is kinda embarrassing because someone asked me a few days ago what my favorite food was and I said I don’t have a favorite food lmao. I didn’t have time to explain to him that I can’t answer that question because the evaluation of what my favorite food is is contingent on whether food prep and cleanup counts towards evaluating my favorite food. Aw shit, I should’ve answered his question with a “do you consider ease of food prep and cleanup as part of what makes food your favorite food or do you just consider the eating part of the food?” clarifying question. It honestly would be a better approach to getting to know him instead of answering with some random food like tomato soup.
I definitely think for most (NT) people if they ask about your favorite food they probably mean the eating part.
It’s an invitation to talk about comfort foods, restaurants, cooking at home, something dad used to make, types of cuisine, recipes, and also how much work goes into making food. It’s not about the specific taste, it’s about opening further topics of conversation.
I wish they’d phrase it differently, I always freeze up when I’m asked a “favorite” because my brain starts trying to figure out what I like the most
Yeah, a better question would be “What kinds of foods are you in to?” but it often goes into a ‘favourites’ list that is easy to overthink. I still spend overly long trying to think of perfect movie/song/whatever answers.
I would point to parkour games like Confessions that were popular in victorian times. Even Marx was asked about favourites, though it was asked as favourite dish and not food.
The important part is to talk through your thought process. It’s okay to say “I can’t think of a favourite off the top of my head but here are things I like a lot”. As long as the convo is flowing. And it can still trip up in the moment, have to recognise it and find a good way for yourself to get past it.
Yes! That would have been the perfect follow up question. It’s not just some information that overall tells only little about you, and then on to the next question. Instead it defers giving that information, making it more interesting to hear it later. But for now, in the process of getting to know you it shows a little how you think, which helps with the underlying motivation — getting to know you — much more.
Clarifying questions are great ways to continue a conversation and get to know a person. Depends on what questions and how they are presented (though that is a caveat for almost all communication). “Does prep work and cleanup count” gets a discussion going and displays an interest in engagement.
Answering the favourite thing outright without expanding, or saying I’m not sure”, is like lobbing the convo back to the asker. It requires the other to try again. It can indicate disinterest, which in typical cases is a bad thing.
The answer to the question doesn’t matter as much as talking about things. Tomato soup is great, but the question is asked not for a correct but for a story/anecdote. “Tomato soup is a comfort food from childhood and I like Warhol’s painting of the soup cans, even though Campbell’s makes terrible soup and I most like this recipe I saw on a YouTube cooking channel.”
That can sound like a lot, but what’s been accomplished is you’ve provided the companion with multiple-choice options for conversation. (There is a limit to this, don’t want to fully infodump or seem only interested in talking about self.) Now the person can choose from several topics they are interested in.
- tomato soup
- comfort foods
- art
- producing things at scale decreasing quality over time
- recipes
- YouTube cooking videos
Make sure to limit responses to things you want to or are open to talking about. Introducing and then shutting down a topic can seem like disinterest. Once again it’s in how it’s handled but erring on the side of only bringing up things one is comfortable with helps at all levels of conversational experience.
Clarifying questions also add dialogue options. And the goal is to provide a few different jumping off points for the other to talk more. Or if things get quiet to introduce a topic with a question.
Just saying ‘tomato soup’ puts more work on the other, so making up for that by expanding on it, asking clarifying questions, having questions about different topics, segues, or other methods of keeping a discussion flowing should be used to show interest and get to know someone.
Oh.
Ikr???
Did you know that when someone asks if you’re hungry, they don’t actually really want to know if you are hungry, they’re asking you to accompany them while they eat.
!!?!
I just learned about the hungry thing a few months ago, and it made me realize how many of these small interactions I’ve been getting wrong for the entirety of my four-decade existence.
It didn’t even occur to me then that this “favorite thing” conversation was also something I was misinterpreting.
Does anybody know if there’s a list somewhere?? Do I need to just watch all of this particular channel?
My only irl neurodivergent friend said she learns a lot about interaction from reading fiction, but I’ve been an avid reader my whole life and there’s still so much I don’t understand that’s seemingly obvious to everyone else. It’s becoming a little distressing, tbqh.
Did you know that when someone asks if you’re hungry, they don’t actually really want to know if you are hungry, they’re asking you to accompany them while they eat.
My easy fix for that is that i’m always hungry, or at least i could always go eat.
Also, when you bump into people in public and they say “we should hang out sometime!” Or “let’s get coffee sometime!” It’s usually just a niceity and they don’t actually want to meet up with you. That bummed me out and gave me relief equally lol
Ohhhhhh… I’ve actually been carrying guilt this whole time about not making all those plans happen.
Thank you. ❤️ I needed this one.
Glad I could help
