• N0body@lemmy.dbzer0.comEnglish
    31·
    4 months ago

    I’d want a toilet that was not just a fan of human waste, but a connoisseur. We could have lively chats about what I’ve eaten lately, and the toilet can provide dietary recommendations and real-time waste monitoring for potential issues.

    “Sir, you have really been overdoing it with the greasy food lately. I have to recommend that you add more fruits and vegetables to your regime, and I would politely request asparagus at least once a week. I’m also concerned about your cholesterol…”

  • 0^2@lemmy.dbzer0.com
    6·
    4 months ago

    Fyi this question originated from Allen Pan (from safety third podcast, and failed mythbuster)

      • alyth@lemmy.world
        3·
        4 months ago

        I just can’t bend it that way in my mind. It’s in my toilet’s nature to swallow my shit, and I need it as much as it needs me. I’ll forgive it the occasional unsolicited comment.

          • Jax@sh.itjust.works
            31·
            4 months ago

            Well, if it has a tongue that means it probably developed alongside us evolutionarily - right?

            Like this is no longer “your toilet is possessed by someone with a scat fetish”. Not if it has a tongue, that means this is a biological creature that lives off of our shit. Considering the value feces has in regards to replenishing nutrients in soil, we should probably consider these toilets some kind of parisitic - or more accurately symbiotic being. Sort of like a mimic, only it eats your shit.

            Why did I think of this? Why would I take the time to use my precious fucking neurons conjuring up the beginnings of “shit eating mimic” taxonomy? Well, you asked “What if it has a tongue…”. The answer is that you would probably be used to it, and it would probably lick your asshole.

            You did this. I want you to know this is your fault.