I’m scared of posting too many details for fear of self doxing. But I am that guy who N95s indoors everywhere. I never unmask except in front of my partner, who also is careful. I put HEPA filters in my classroom. I also avoid unnecessary indoor activities, like cinemas, gyms and indoor sports. If there’s an interesting event but there’s no ventilation and no one is masking, I’ll give it a pass.

There’s been some positives. I’m way more self confident than I used to be, knowing deeply how shitty and ignorant the average normie is. I used to always second guess myself, and now I don’t. I also spend way less money, as I don’t dine nor holiday. COVID pushed me far into tankie territory, and opened my mind into better understating patriarchy and white supremacy.

Also ya, I don’t get sick ever.

However, I’m such a different person today. I’m not the sweet chatty person I was in 2019. I had an almost femme twang in my voice back then, and now I’m just a ragged pissed off uncle.

One huge disadvantage is that I’m such a media consuming person. Pre covid, I’d avoid TV and games. Now it’s all I do. I’ve become the kind of person that needs someone on in order to eat or sleep. I used to fucking hate these people, and now I’ve become that person.

The other huge problem is that my work productivity is way lower. I used to finish everything up in a coffee shop, now obviously I can’t do that. I can definitely do more in my job and in my org. I regret that I’ve become, honestly, maybe a bit lazy.

  • ButtBidet [he/him]@hexbear.netOPMEnglish
    2·
    8 days ago

    I mean, I can and would like new friendships, but not at the expense of my physical health or my sanity at having to deal with callousness. In middle age, I’m a lot more tired all the time. My main feeling is just that I’d like to rest.

    I feel for you. It’s not easy making friendships in the car centric hell-hole that is much of the West. People’s lack of time and money doesn’t help, nor the ideal of assigning value to people based upon income level.

    Finding a common i interest group can help. So can joining an org. When I was your age, I found a niche in a lot of the vegan scene, although I’ve dropped it recently due to the levels of liberalism that a lot of the people had.

    Sorry. It’s not your fault.

    • hogslayer [he/him]@hexbear.netEnglish
      2·
      8 days ago

      People’s lack of time and money doesn’t help, nor the ideal of assigning value to people based upon income level.

      yeah, knowing that my value in a lot of people’s eyes is tied to my income level sucks and is discouraging, especially wrt the dating/romance/sex world

      Finding a common i interest group can help.

      I’ve considered that, but there isn’t much in my city and traveling to a real city is very difficult. I honestly just need to find a way to move.

      Sorry. It’s not your fault.

      thank you :)