hi so i forgot to message the person who was next (sorry HelltakerHomosexual) so i’m just gonna talk about a thing i like

Shadow the Hedgehog is a character that appears in the Sonic the Hedgehog series. Characterized by his sharp wit and strong sense of purpose, Shadow is a recurrent arch-rival of Sonic the Hedgehog, whom he resembles and shares many abilities. He is a major supporter of trans people, as evidenced by his catchphrase, “Trans people are cool!”

^ this is all from the wiki btw

I like Shadow a lot. His first appearance in the series is in a game where him and Sonic are both fighting the government and destroying these multi-million dollar gunships. Sonic is doing it because he loves communism but Shadow is doing it because he has a blood feud against G.U.N., who are like the global government death squads because they killed this girl, Maria, who he was best friends with.

Maria basically had an incurable illness that Eggman’s grandpa was trying to cure by creating an immortal lifeform, which is actually how Shadow was born. Also, Shadow has a copy of Maria’s soul I guess? Seriously, look it up. I’m reading all this shit for the first time right now and that sounds kinda trans to me.

Anyway, she gets shot by the troops and despite Maria telling Shadow to be normal and happy, Eggman’s grandpa is pissed off about it so he starts psyopping Shadow into wanting to kill everyone on Earth. Eggman’s grandpa successfully does the psyop and locks Shadow away until Eggman finds and releases him.

With his newfound power, Shadow starts being evil and helping Eggman find the Chaos Emeralds because he sees him piss on the moon or something. This goes on for a while until he gets back on the space station and remembers what Maria said, deciding to finally be normal and happy.

He switches up, goes Hyper Shadow and helps Sonic defeat the Biolizard which is basically what it sounds like: a giant lizard who wears the space station like a little jacket and shoots lasers from his mouth. Also, that thing was the prototype Ultimate Lifeform before they decided on the optimal form of existence: a little bipedal anthro hedgehog.

So they beat this lizard up, I guess it dies and then the space station is hurtling toward the Earth. Shadow takes a Chaos Emerald and, with the help of Sonic, does one last Chaos Control on the space station, returning it to a stable altitude. Sonic finds himself back on the space station as he flies into the atmosphere. After this, a big semi-translucent Shadow appears on top of the Earth and everyone can see it.

Why would I lie about that? Here it is.

Anyway, a bunch of shit happens after that but I don’t care about it. If someone else wants to talk about Shadow the Hedgehog (2005) feel free. What I really wrote this out to justify talking about is the moon in Sonic games. Like I said before, the moon gets pissed on and destroyed with the help of Shadow,

and then in the next game it’s just fine but evil now(???)

and after THAT it’s not evil anymore but it’s fully intact:

What the fuck? Why? How? I watched it get blown up. Who put the moon back together? Anyway, we’re getting in the weeds here. Welcome to the mega.

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  • rtstragedy [fae/faer, she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
    7·
    8 hours ago

    I think there is a way… recognizing the feelings is such a huge step and some people never get to the stage you’re at. I am just a broken person out somewhere on the internet trying to figure it all out too, but I do feel confident that you can get through this despite all of the society and the familial factors that made you this way, because I used to struggle with self-hatred & shame a lot in the past too and I’m still alive and I think I’ve made a lot of progress. Today I feel joy and proud of who I am, which are not things I could have felt years ago. I refuse to believe it’s joever for anyone, because I believed the same things back then.

    • PaX [comrade/them, they/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
      8·
      8 hours ago

      I hope you’re right

      because I used to struggle with self-hatred & shame a lot in the past too and I’m still alive and I think I’ve made a lot of progress. Today I feel joy and proud of who I am, which are not things I could have felt years ago.

      Am really really glad, living with this stuff is not only agonizing and unhealthy but… in the end, completely unnecessary

      I refuse to believe it’s joever for anyone, because I believed the same things back then.

      Same tbh, is weird how little kindness I show to myself. Like I see so many happy people who reject the shame and self-hatred brainworms and refuse to repress themselves anymore (at least when it’s physically safe). Not even just trans people but also autistic people and LGBT people of all kinds and even just… (this is probably more important to me than it should be) furries or therians. I’m more open than to anyone else than my friends who are part of all of the aforementioned groups in some combination yet I still live with this cop-wolf in my head that won’t let me just… be myself all the time without asking for forgiveness ;w;

      Feel a little better after crying, just feel rly exhausted now. I wanna write more cuz your response means a lot to me but I gotta go rest now, posting energy depleted

      cuddle

      • rtstragedy [fae/faer, she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
        6·
        7 hours ago

        I hope that you can rest and feel better soon. I’m usually lurking around here these days so feel free to respond whenever you would like, no pressure :) cuddle

        CW mentions of self-harm

        Am really really glad, living with this stuff is not only agonizing and unhealthy but… in the end, completely unnecessary

        I think this is such a big step tbh - if I had to (in my completely unprofessional opinion) sketch out how I think this stuff went for me, I think it’d be like this:

        1. Self-hatred and shame and guilt. People tell me to stop apologizing, or take advantage. I’m totally oblivious.
        2. I realize that I am like this, and that it’s destroying my life. “This is water” moment. At this point though, I believe that I need the self-hatred to function.
        3. Somewhere in here, I realize that maybe I don’t “need” to be this way? Maybe there’s a version of me that can exist without it?
        4. And after that … I start to make little changes. Instead of hitting myself when I’m having a meltdown, I hug myself and rock a little bit instead… I try to give the kind voice in my mind more space, let them start to provide counter-narratives to the hateful parts I had internalized. At first, it’s really hard.
        5. Over a period of time, I start to be kinder and kinder to myself. Eventually, I realize that the parts of me that were hateful have quieted down - either they vocalize themselves less hurtful ways, or maybe just that self-indulgent SH drive (for me it was a bit of a malicious thing) just went away because I started to believe what kind people told me.

        I still apologize a lot. It’s tough, I’m seeing a therapist about various things like autism and relationships and other stuff, but I feel like I’m in a better place than I was two months ago. I too had the experience of this therapist being the first one that I actually got anything out of - previous ones I would just talk to, completely masked, it was such a waste of money…